Beach Blanket Bedlam

Finalist for the Killer Nashville Silver Falchion award in the nonfiction category.

Back in 1982, Frankie and Annette wouldn't have survived ten minutes on this beach. Not before either being robbed, brutally assaulted, or forced to flee in terror from a violent lunatic amped to the gills on angel dust.

Incredibly, the seaside sands were still much safer than the anarchic downtown streets of Oceanside, California. Little wonder the street cops' unofficial motto for the town was, "Where the Debris Meets the Sea."

Are you in the mood for another utterly insensitive, grotesquely funny, and brutally honest stroll down memory alley? In this sequel to the first volume of his well-received memoirs, "Service With a Sneer," retired homicide detective and author John J. Lamb shares a new collection of insightful and riveting tales from his remarkable police career.

Lamb takes the reader back four decades and to his days as a young street cop with the Oceanside Police Department. Nowadays, the city is an upscale tourist destination, drawing visitors from around the globe. Back then, it was one of the most violent municipalities in California, with a sky-high homicide rate. Armed street robberies were commonplace, vicious assaults occurred on an almost daily basis, street gang violence was the norm, and people were murdered for the flimsiest of reasons.

But for Lamb, a self-confessed adrenaline junkie, policing the pitiless streets of Oceanside - and dealing with the feral human inhabitants - was the most fun he ever had with his clothes on. In this second volume of his anecdotal memoirs, we follow his continuing journey as he transitions from a tough and competent street cop to a skilled CSI, whose exceptional performance begins to attract the attention of homicide detectives.

As with the first volume, the book begins with a warning that "SNAGs" (Sensitive New Age Guys/Gals) should avoid reading any further to avoid upset and severe emotional trauma. Next comes a glossary of deliciously ironic and enlightening California cop jargon from the early 1980s. Learn the meanings of "Screen Test", "H.U.A.", and "Bus Therapy," to name just a few.

Lamb's stories include:

The closest he ever came in his life to winning the "Darwin Award."

Tales of savage hand-to-hand combat with berserk and violent PCP users in an era before Tasers and other "less lethal" measures existed.

How he deliberately violated every element of hostage negotiation protocols in order to get a barricaded gunman to surrender to police.

The tense account of how he pulled a drowned toddler from a swimming pool and used CPR to restore the child to life.

His discovery of a vicious and life-threatening attack that led to the rescue of two young women and the arrest of a brutal sexual predator.

And how he came to regret prematurely stopping a man from repeatedly punching a sanctimonious fellow police officer.

As always, Lamb's stories are riveting, thought-provoking, occasionally revolting, educational, surreal, heartrending, and often rich with macabre humor.

Above all, they are true.